catching up...

I'm way to OCD to just pick up this blogging thing from the present moment, so I'm going to do a few posts just to catch up...it's actually just a good excuse for me to look at old pictures :)

So, when I fell off the face of the blogosphere I was just a few months pregnant with our fourth child.  I didn't know I was once again incubating a man-child, and had secret visions of sugar plum fairies and pink tutus and names like Adelaide, Olivia, and Sophia dancing through my hormone-riddled brain.  I figured my odds of having a girl must be increasing as, technically, it's a about a 50 percent chance of squeaking an X chromosome in there every time.

But oh no.  Not in this gene pool. We only make boys.

I tried not to be disappointed. I mean, really, there are people dealing with so much worse.  I was carrying a healthy, growing, normal baby boy, and shedding tears because I, once again, was not having a daughter.  I know moms of all one gender can surely relate to the angst I was feeling :)

My pregnancy was fairly uneventful.  My OBs watch me like a hawk because I have a history of severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome with my second pregnancy.  I've been able to behave myself through my last two pregnancies, although I have noticed how much harder each one gets on my body.  This time around, by my third trimester I was waddling around VERY slowly, and wearing all sorts of supportive apparatus.  I felt OLD.

At thirty-five weeks on the nose my water broke.  I had to go to the hospital and bribe my fellow OB nurses to let me have a little of the nitrazine paper we use to determine if a patient's water has truly broken or not.  I didn't want to get checked in to the hospital if it was a false alarm, and if it wasn't I needed to go home and pack (you'd think I would have done that already).  The nitrazine was positive and I left, promising to return within an hour or two.  They warned me they would come looking for me if I didn't.

I distinctly remember going home and having to go down to the root cellar at our old house that was piled high with boxes and had no light and spiderwebs and scary things all over and dig around trying to find the boxes with newborn and postpartum essentials.  I was pretty sure something was going to collapse on me and my nurse friends would finally come looking for me when I didn't show up at the hospital, and find me in hard labor, trapped in my root cellar...but I made it out unscathed.

I wasn't having any contractions at all, so as soon as I got checked in and settled, my OB and I agreed to try a little Pitocin to try to get things going.  By noon I was starting to feel contractions.  By four thirty I wanted an epidural.  By five nineteen we had a beautiful baby boy! He had a rather rough start (as in he didn't want to breathe). My good friend Jen was there as my labor support and was a little horrified that Kevin was remarking on his son's lack of "spontaneous respirations" to the NICU nurse as if he were talking about the weather.  I tell you what, you don't get much sympathy when both your parents are nurses. But after some persuasion, the baby did decide that he wanted to live after all and he started breathing and crying and he was finally bundled up and handed to his mama. I kissed him told him I loved him very much, boy parts and all, and then he was whisked off to the NICU for observation.

We named him Phineas David (David after my father) and it was decided that we would call him Finn for short.  I had a great deal of angst about the spelling.  I wanted to spell it Finneas to avoid confusion regarding his initials and to help those poor people in the general public who still don't know that "Ph" says the same thing as "F".  But Kev insisted on the Biblical spelling.  I'm glad he did, it looks so much better even as I'm typing it.  I've really only started calling him Phineas since he turned two anyway...it sounds MUCH more serious than "Finn" when you yell it.

He was so sweet and tiny and precious.  He got to come home with us despite a 24-hour stint in NICU.  He was a perfect baby.  He ate and slept like a pro and loved to be held.  I was happy to oblige as newborns are my favorite kinds of humans.

(That picture makes me want a baby...bad.)

A sweet friend of mine gave me the gift of a newborn photo session in her studio.  Here is her blog post with some of the beautiful photos she took of Finn and I.  I used them to design his birth announcements which went out....wait for it.....with our Christmas cards in 2012.  Yes, he was born in March. Hey, it saved on postage! That's how I roll.

here i am.

I've thought about this post for two and a half years.

Two and a half years full of life.  Full of mothering, working, loving, crying, making, moving, birthing, traveling, cooking, schooling, and just living.

I knew I was falling behind on my blog posts, but I also knew I was barely keeping my head above water every day trying to keep up with...well, LIFE.  The longer I went without updating, the more I knew I had to catch up on, so the more I avoided thinking about it.

And now it's been two and a half years.

I actually don't regret it in a way.  I am a firm believer in the wisdom of recognizing changing seasons of life. What works now might not work in six months, or a year...but then it might work again in five years.  Part of living life to it's fullest is recognizing the season you are in, and embracing it.

Now I'm not saying I've always embraced this last season with joy, but I did have the wisdom to let some things go.

One of them was my blog.

I had another baby boy. We moved to a different house.  We changed jobs. My boys grew inches, then feet. Time marches on...

As I look back at my past posts, I'm overwhelmed by how much bigger my boys are, and how fleeting the moments I have with them are, and I know it's time.  They're not ALL babies anymore.... I have a little more time than I did.  I want to take advantage of the occasional quiet moments I find to help myself cherish the season I'm in, and the moments and memories that are forgotten all too soon.

A lovely friend of mine is moving away this week.  She's moved away before, but always came back.  This time it's different, they sold their home and bought a new one a whole state away. I'm going to miss her.  A few days ago, we were chatting about how we each need to blog so we can keep up with one another.  I made some joke about my blog, and the fact that my last post was announcing my pregnancy with my now two year old.

"I loved your blog!" She said.

Then she said something that I haven't stopped thinking of since.  She jokingly suggested that maybe all the mothering, pastoring, worship leading, nursing, etc. just needed to stop so that I could write more.

I think she's right. Maybe I can't completely STOP those things, but I can make room in the midst of them to be intentional about writing.... contemplating....savoring.   It's time to stop and MAKE time to remember.  Time to MAKE time to process this season and these sweet moments.

So here's to seasons.  New seasons and old.  Living presently, cherishing the past, and looking forward to the future.

the boys' room...

summer milestones...

It's been quite the Summer, with lots of momentous events.

Josiah lost his first two teeth...but not before the permanent ones started coming in and made him look like a shark (freaked this mama out!)

He also ditched the training wheels on his bike!  That really made me feel like he was a big boy...I don't know if anyone else sees that as a major milestone, but he went from little kid to big kid in one fell swoop in my mama brain.

Elijah is now wearing underwear...after a long struggle he finally succumbed to his parents' iron will. The final straw for him was getting a "Lullypop" for doing his thing in the "tulet"

I'm willing to take the stigma of being known as "that mom" who lets her kids ride around the block in their underwear, just to prove to all that my kid really is potty trained.

Noah is FINALLY starting to talk a little more.  I think he's stringing us along, and could probably speak in paragraphs if he wanted to, but just talks to us enough that we're satisfied that he's not completely deaf or in need of intervention.  Two of his latest additions are "Popeye" and "mine" the latter of which we hear incessantly as he is two.

And the last great milestone of the summer is that I am pregnant with our fourth child!  I'm starting to come out of the first trimester fog...it's been rough and my house has suffered a lot of collateral damage. Fortunately I have some wonderful young lady friends who have helped with watching the boys and keeping up the house. I'm due around the beginning of April.  This pregnancy came as something of a surprise, although we were considering adding to our number again, and were about ready to think about "trying"

That's really all we have to do is think about it.

checking in.

Well, I have been conspicuously absent from this spot for several months now. The summer has flown by! The biggest reason I haven't posted is that my computer's power cord died and I had to wait about a month for a new one (long story), so I haven't been able to use my mac or upload pictures from my camera. So, I have a camera full of photos to sort through and post...sometime. We have come to the decision to homeschool our eldest son for Kindergarten this year, which is adding to the sense I have that blogging may be slipping down on my priority list.

I am feeling a mounting sense of urgency to get my butt organized, and hope to incorporate blogging into the mix...but as of this moment, I need to just clear a path through my laundry room and find the sink under all the dishes!

I do want to share a new favorite blog. Don't look unless you have half a day to oogle.

And I have found this blog most helpful in journey toward beginning to homeschool (as well as inspiration for getting organized...this gal is amazing).

preschool graduation

Josiah graduated from preschool last week.

Oh my gosh. Could he be any cuter?

Miss Jennifer put on a smashing graduation, complete with a slideshow that made me bawl like a baby. She is the best. teacher. ever.

Here is the graduate putting up with the obligatory pictures with mom and dad

{He was very excited about the alphabet silly bands Miss Jennifer got him, as you can see.}

This one cracks me up.

Awww mom...do ya have to?

That's exactly what he's going to look like in...oh...about 13 years...when I try to kiss him as he graduates from high school.

*sniff*

bloom where you're planted...

Over the last several years, we have had a growing desire to move out to an acreage near town and practice becoming more self-sufficient.  Nothing too crazy, we just wanted to have some chickens, a garden, some fruit trees, and maybe, eventually, even a cow.

We currently live in a 1100 square foot two bedroom house, that is over a hundred years old and sits right in the heart of our city.  I love it for many reasons, mainly because of our wonderful neighbors and the close proximity to parks, and the city library.

Since it's apparent that we're not moving anytime soon, I've been contemplating the idea of practicing these ideas of self-sufficiency on a small scale, and what that looks like on a day to day basis for us...blooming where we are currently planted.  I've actually started another blog, co-authored by our neighbors, who are joining with us in our endeavor to live more sustainably.

We're calling it Farming 5th Avenue.

Of course there's a story behind the title...A friend of mine made the comment the other day how funny it was that we lived on 5th Avenue.  She was making reference, of course, to the well known 5th Avenue in Manhattan, smack dab in the middle of one of the biggest cities in America and synonymous with high fashion and even higher price tags. We giggled a bit, thinking how far we are from THAT 5th Avenue (literally and figuratively).  But it got me thinking about where I am and where I want to be, and wondering if they really didn't have to be two different places.

The journey to sustainability is really like any other journey...it's a lot of small steps.  So, here we go, taking some small steps right where we are.  I plan to keep posting as I have here, but will primarily use the other blog to chronicle the "farm-ish" happenings going down on 5th Avenue.